Those empty pages were a challenge and I’d hoped they’d merit the beauty of that book with several pink roses on its hard cover, pastel colors decorate it with, a butterfly that lands on a graceful long leaf on the back. The butterfly shares the back with the tracing of a flower. It’s a special book and I thought long and hard before deciding what to enter into those empty pages.
One day my mother showed a letter to her friend as she was ready to toss it. In it was a lovely compliment. Her friend was in shock that Mom was planning to toss that letter with its thoughtful and caring message. I agree. Compliments are special and should be savored and enjoyed again and again. In writing, it would be saved forever!
It was at that time that I had decided what might make that elegant book with its empty pages, a book I would really enjoy. Finally, at last my book would be a book of compliments, compliments that would grace those empty pages!
On the alternate page, My message said simply, “Since my mother was told she should have saved that letter with compliments… and she did. Now, I have decided to record some of the many nice things told to me.”
Unfortunately not all compliments have been saved as they roll off of conversations and one gets too busy to rush to the book or note pad and save them but if you were allowed to peek in its personal pages, you might see your name under one or many compliments given me!
My best and most memorable compliment came from my little brother, Kenneth, who was all of three years old. As he snuggled up to me, and looked at me with a smile followed by a serious tone to his voice as he said, “I love you all of the trees in the world!” It’s a compliment I’ll always cherish and never forget. I think about that while in Washington and Oregon as we drive through miles and miles of tall evergreen trees. As we drive through Northern California with its fruit orchards on either side of the road. In the Rockies, trees are all over as this compliment keeps popping up in my mind. It was genuine and heartfelt and unforgettable.
I’ve gotten many compliments throughout my life as I’m sure you have too. But some are more unique than others and the one I got just a few years ago was from a fellow who walked in the mall when I too was a mall walker. It was just too special and unique, unlike any I had ever gotten before! He looked at me and surprised me with an unexpected comment. “You’d look good in a gunny sack”. I haven’t tried to see if he was right but it brought to mind the time when I worked in a dress shop, I suggested an item for a girl who was going to a party; the material was one similar to burlap. The girl enjoyed her purchase so much that she came back to the store and asked for me, Filled with compliments, she let me know what a hit that outfit made!
I have my own special letter with a compliment, too! It’s one I’ve cherished since my close friend, Shirley Shay, sent it to me in December of 1993. We met at a Writer’s group. Shirley is a saucy brunette, a saucy Jewish brunette with a typical Jewish sense of humor. I think she was born with a suitcase of crazy stories. Shirley was not a typical writer. Her articles rolled off the keys of her word processor with the ease of slipping on an icy sidewalk. . She could write about a wooden fence post and make it so interesting and funny you’d not only enjoy it but unfortunately be extremely jealous of her talent for such whimsical writing!
Shirley ShayMy favorite “Shirley Compliment” was in her letter of 1993, In it she wrote in regards to a photo Christmas card I has sent her, “The photo was the hit of the four pre-Christmas parties I attended, especially after I told them you had passed your seventieth birthday. I had to swear on the lives of my grandchildren in order to make them
believe it!” She continued, ‘Humph!’ Said a few of the jealous ones, “She probably spent her life waited on by servants, shopping at Nordstrom’s, and relaxing at the country club.” I denied it insisting it was just your attitude.
Why discourage them by telling them you are a phenomenon, as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. With glimmers of hope in their eyes, many septuagenarians, dashed home to scour their bathtubs. Who could toss a letter with a compliment as dazzling and awesome as that one? With this, I’ll bet you are rushing for your stack of letters in search of compliments too.
Another saved letter was from my friend, Florence. It starts with the usual “Dear Shirley,” and then she wrote: “Your letter was like a breath of fresh air." All of my other friends have no news except “blah” stuff. You know, assorted ailments, what medications they are taking and on and on etc. So hearing about fun things for a change was very enjoyable. Aside from a nice compliment, this letter should be a tip on what not to write! I recently lost my friend Florence after a bitter battle with a weakened heart, a heavy heart after the loss of her second son, and of her husband. I went to see her in an assisted living home, one not too cheery; it bordered on being bleak. We had a great visit, catching up on news plus she was pleased to show me items that held lots of meaning to her. When I was ready to leave she said, “You made my whole summer”. I think that beats Clint Eastwood's, “Make my day.”
After sending Florence a colorful autumn spray to brighten her door, a seasonal Halloween vase with silk flowers, and an oversized talking doll, I’d like to think I was responsible for her artwork. As a kid, she enjoyed the ad in magazines begging you to “Draw Me”. She did and she did a fantastic job of copying those pictures. With that in mind I sent her charcoal, a book on charcoal drawing and other items to get into a hobby. I had hoped it would spice up her life and to introduce her to an art class. It did. She decided to do painting as opposed to charcoal drawings and got into an art class at the facility where she was living. In spite of a stroke that weakened her favored left hand, she painted and painted! My biggest thrill was to learn that she had done paintings as Christmas gifts to her grandchildren! A still bigger thrill was to learn that she had SOLD several of her paintings this last summer. She’s a dear friend and I will truly miss her.
I am writing this because of another more recent friend, Elin Carlson. While I don’t consider my writing that exciting and interesting, Elin has expressed that it is good. So due to her positive views, here I am and with yet another letter!
This from my uncle, Carl:
“You took three good pictures of me and several outstanding ones taken at the Mandt family reunion. Thanks very much for the photos. And I must say that your efforts captured the Mandt Affair more interesting than what I did photographically.” While I’ll win no prizes for my pictures, I’ll take all of the compliments I can get! Thank you!
This picture was taken on a cruise ship. While Jack was on the deck, the lampshade was in my way, making Jack a “Lampshade on his head, Party Boy”. A good reason you should not trust me with a camera!“You are pretty”. Well Mom, that proves it. When I was little, I once asked her if I was pretty. Of course I wasn’t but all Moms should think their geeky and awkward young ones are pretty, her answer was a let down, “You are average!” Well Mom, you should have been at Ciro’s, a popular nightclub in the 50’s, when I sat next to the Wizard of Oz, Frank Morgan. The Oz was deep in conversation when he looked up at me and said, “You are pretty”. What a lovely compliment and what a wonderful surprise! And what a nice guy!
Add to that another from Tom Hatten, a television performer with a kid's show, as well as former president of the Pacific Pioneer Broadcasters, while walking along the Sportsman’s Lodge walkway. Out of the blue, he looked my way and said “You are pretty!” It’s true, he said it, since Jack was with me and he heard it, so there’s no need to swear on the lives of my grandchildren!
Can you take another, “You are pretty?” This one from an Egyptian Army officer who attended the Camp David meetings with Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and President Jimmy Carter. I met him in the lobby of the hotel in Cairo where our tour group was staying. It was his comment to me as I was reading a paper. We had a nice chat and I turned down a dinner invitation; it was not in my African itinerary.
I can’t ignore the comment from the Wonder Bread man who covered our neighborhood with his truck filled with bread and baked goods. He had heard of my apple pies and how good they were. There was no need to prove it to a guy who has a truck full of goodies. It’s those unexpected compliments that come across as being more sincere.
By now your mind has already begun a review of the people in your life who have decorated it with kind words and unique words of praise. Words that should never be lost or tossed. It’s time to get that book of empty pages and write your own book. Don’t forget to GIVE compliments. Your reward is the look of pleasure on the faces of those you share it with. But always remember to be sincere, as they say, “Flattery will get you nowhere!”
A high school friend at a long ago class reunion reminded me that the quote I left on the pages of his year book. It has been an inspiration to him in his life; I hope my faith in him was part of the success of his career! Yes, he was a successful engineer.
A friend said “I have only met two classy women since I moved to California and you are one of them.” Well, is it classy to write a blog sharing compliments? You decide, another compliment plus a similar one from Jack’s daughter. She simply said “You are a classy lady.” I’m thrilled and delighted.
Compliments do not need to be long and unusual. My shortest compliment was just one word. I sent a friend a picture of me before a fireplace in a mountain cabin, His reply: “SMASHING!”
The former dress designer, Mr. Blackwell, has made a glitter pin one of my favorite pieces of jewelry. He liked my pin so well; he complimented me on it several times. It certainly had his stamp of approval. This, from someone who was knowledgeable about fashion. I’m so glad I didn’t wind up on his WORST DRESSED LIST!
My article, "What I like about growing old", published in the Los Angeles Times, brought a compliment from the staff publisher. He said, “Are you a professional writer? You write better than most who write for the Times.” I’ve never met him; this was strictly a telephone conversation. But one of my favorite phone calls!!!
Like a good story, with a surprise ending, here is my story. I went to a birthday party. Not knowing what to get the birthday girl, Erin. I gave her an empty book, designated to be a book of compliments. I had a pad of pretty note paper embellished with floral designs. I handed each guest a slip of that pad requesting they write a compliment for Erin. With so many guests to keep track of, I asked a fellow if he had given me a compliment. His answer was, “No, but you look good.” Well, I asked for it!
Now I’m asking you to value those words of praise, those words that tell you who and what you really are. So go for it! Get your empty book, fill it and have fun!
This was written with encouragement from one of the most special people I know, Elin Carlson. So Elin, there’s my compliment, you truly are unique, intelligent, interesting, dedicated, TALENTED, successful and just plain WONDERFUL. All true, “I swear on the lives of my grandchildren!
Now you can start your own book of “Empty Pages” I hope my name is on one of them. Among many of your biggest and most dedicated fans, I am Shirley O'Connell.
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